I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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