i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
