you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize