did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
