I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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