Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
