I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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