Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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