All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
