I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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