You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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