I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
