No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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