Apparently you make a good broom.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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