U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
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I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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