Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
