Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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