Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
