what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize