You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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