I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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