I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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