3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
