I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
