went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
