tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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