just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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