He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
