my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
