hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
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You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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