Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
