You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
