I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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