I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
