Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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