just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
