And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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