saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she smelled like a LAN party
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
