Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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