I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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