EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
