So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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