she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
