When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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