what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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