he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
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The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just crazy horny about you
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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