We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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