I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
