Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Drake has all the answers
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
