Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
