im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
In America we eat man semen.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
