You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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