why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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