So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize