i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
