My friends, they love my intelligence
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
